I have a rose I don’t much like and can’t grow very well. A couple of years ago, it had a sucker, which is explained succinctly here. I didn’t realise it wouldn’t flower and kept it to see what would happen. This is what happened. Every year, these guys turn up…

The best thing about them – which you can’t see in a photo – is that they freeze when they think you’re looking at them. They curve up and pretend to be twigs. They hold the pose and you feel like you can hear them muttering to each other “has she gone yet?”

That picture above was last week. Now they look bigger and fatter and more insanely coloured, and most of the rose is completely stripped of leaves.

I feel very happy about this. I get caterpillars, I get butterflies, I don’t “pay” any price because every year, the only plant they eat is the sucker – they don’t eat the real rose, they don’t seem to eat anything around them. I feel even smug about this.